Sunday, August 26, 2012

The Visit That Didn't Happen

Susan has been keeping Marilyn up with Mom's condition. Mom's being sick is one thing that Marilyn does remember and she asks Susan about Mom from time to time. After Mom enrolled in hospice, Marilyn expressed interest in paying a visit to Mom and the problem of making the visit happen has been bouncing around. With Travis up for the weekend, (he spent much of Saturday at the apartment and helped host visits from both the Wolfs and the Kings) it was tentatively on the agenda for today.

Logistics was the major hurdle. Marilyn does not walk well at all. Steps are next to impossible for her. Travis had to lift her up and down our front steps last time she was over at Westglen and he is not trained to move her safely. Strapping her into a wheel chair and lifting the chair up the stairs seemed the best way. Then, having conquered the steps, the wheel chair could take her just past the front door, and then she would be on her own with her walker. Access is not easy! There is a level entry way off the parking area, but the halls stay in the middle area of the building, you just can't reach their apartment.

Still, Susan called to find out if Mom was up the visit. She received many signs of discouragement and no hints at all of encouragement. The last time Susan had mentioned the visit to Marilyn she had just looked away and not answered. Today, after talking to Meg, it seemed that the obstacles were just too great.

Susan then called Polly to tell her we weren't going to bring Marilyn over.

Mom said she thought that was best, then told Susan, "to give her an extra hug from me. She was such a good friend..."

Susan hung up the phone, closed her eyes and said. "That was so hard."

We all sat together at the kitchen table and had a good cry.


  1. Replies
    1. I was talking about what Gombu said to Mom over the phone. (In case that wasn't clear...)

      That past tense verb has been thudding through my head all week, and it rips me apart every time.

    2. No doubt, no doubt. I have experienced few, if any emotional responses as pure and direct as that moment. That it was simultaneously shared...

      However I was and still am trying to figure out tense in the second paragraph. It's all over the place. Present, past, maybe even the future pluperfect.

  2. I had actually been hoping that her relationship with Marilyn would be one of the things Mother could come to terms with during this Polly-appointed period of facing and fessing up. But I guess not. It's heartbreaking. And fucked up.

    And Travis: not a word about tenses here or I'll make YOU tense. xxoomm

  3. First of all, thanks for the time and the effort it takes to do these posts. I'm grateful for the opportunity to know what's happening. This one was especially heart-wrenching.

    As always but especially now, my thoughts are with you, dear friends. I wish you comfort and strength in these difficult days.